That, my friends, is a powerful question.

If you ever find yourself complaining, please stop for a moment and say to yourself, “What do I really want right now?!?”

Robert Kegan once said that behind every complaint is a deeper commitment. Meaning: If you’re complaining about something (i.e., being a Victim), the complaint simply points to a deeper commitment you have for yourself that is currently being thwarted.

For example, if I’m complaining about not having the freedom to pursue my creative ideas and putting someone or something in the position of Persecutor, I need to recognize that I’m falling into Victim-mode and ask myself, “What do I want?” In this case, the answer would be something like, “I want more freedom to create.”

The moment we ask that question, we’ve shifted our focus from the problem to the vision/solution. We’re no longer helpless Victims in the clutches of some Persecutor but Creators dealing with a Challenger (or challenging situation). That’s a powerful shift.

Let’s make it!

(For more on Victims and Creators and all that jazz, check out my summary of the great book by David Emerald called “The Power of TED*”!)

I wanted to be 6ft 6in for many years. I turned out to be 6ft 1in. Ouch! Somethings you want just don’t happen and you have no control over them. I also wanted to have a high IQ. Then I discovered my IQ score was 127, pretty good but not Mensa material. While I never tried to stretch to be taller I have stretched my mind for years to increase my IQ. Not sure if I thought I would lose what I had if I didn’t practice but years after following this course of action I read that was a very good idea to use your mind often and if done enough it actually could raise your IQ several points.

Nowadays I want to know myself, know what make people do things in general, know about other countries and to know about the earth. I want to know how to be awake and enlightened, how to be a self-actualizer, how to stay healthy, how to be a world citizen…I don’t want things too often. I guess it is because I’m older now. I want to know how to live and how to understand the life I’ve been given. How can I use it best? Maybe I want too much. Maybe not enough. Lets see, what do I really want now? Some insight and then another one, and another one.

I can’t help think that my ego is just running wild because it is never satisfied. Maybe before I ask for what I want I should work on getting what I need first. Hey, you guys go ahead, I think I’m going to be here awhile.

According to Eckhart Tolle in his book The New Earth: “The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth is a dysfunction and a disease [of our society]. Thus I question my own endless list of wants. Keeping with Eckhart’s teachings I would say this is an excessive ego trait to never be satisfied. Thus I think this process of asking ourselves what we want needs modification with our inner witness or enlightened soul during some silent time so that whatever conclusion we reach about our wants is based on our true self’s consideration.